What Team Do You Play For: Homophobia In Sports

Soccer (football), tennis, basketball, American football, rugby – these are some of the most popular sports in the world with fans and audiences of billions. Yet, they carry one of the biggest stigmas: professional athletes rarely openly talk about their sexual preferences especially if they’re active players, as homophobia is prominent in professional sports.

Research shows that 80% of both LGBT+ and straight people have experienced or witnessed homophobic behavior in sports. While LGBT+ campaigns against homophobia in sports are getting more frequent by the year and discussions about LGBT+ players in sports are getting more public space, there are just a few high-profile players who have decided to come out in public.

Photo credit: Tom Weller – Stringer – dpa Deutsche Presse-Agentur GmbH | LinkedIn

Former Premier League soccer player and German international, Thomas Hitzlsperger, is considered a pioneer regarding coming out as a professional athlete. In an interview for The Guardian in 2014, Hitzlsperger claimed that he has always wanted to tell the world that he was gay but was advised against it. However, he did come out, earning the status of the first high-profile soccer player who publicly declared himself as gay.

As Hitzlsperger witnessed, homosexuality was rarely discussed in locker rooms, except in forms of speculation about someone who was not present at the moment. He even admitted playing along when he was younger, in some odd situations, when he himself would use derogatory terms and slurs. Encouraged by other players, like John Amaechi (retired NBA player), Gareth Thomas (Welsh rugby star) and Tom Daley (Olympic diver), who came out, Hitzlsperger wanted to inspire and show support for other football players who might be struggling to open up. Known as the Hammer among his fans, he says that being a professional player and homosexual is normal. Anyone, who’d see him play, couldn’t say that there is something off or ”too soft” with his game. 

Robbie Rogers via Denver Post; Victor Decolongon, Getty Images

Another Hitzlsperger inspiration was Robbie Rogers, a former American soccer star. Rogers speaks (and writes) about his early youth, pretending and lying, only to fit into a presumption of what a footballer should be like. He felt like an outcast, as there were no publicly gay men in football. When asked if he knows of other gay men in professional football, Robbie said he didn’t know, but he was sure there were a lot, adding in a jokey way – “many footballers are dressing really well”. “We’ve been trained by our agents how to do interviews, how to present ourselves”, he said,  “We’re such great actors.”

Rogers left the game after he came out. Soon after him, Jason Collins, the NBA player, also came out with the words ”I am black. And I am gay”. Collins pondered what if he had come out earlier, as a kid in school, would anything be different or easier for someone else in sports? Maybe. But since it didn’t happen, he felt the need to raise his hand now hoping that it might inspire others.

Jason Collins via The New York Times; Jessica Rinaldi/Reuters

Let’s not forget the professional female athletes. Women in sports, who are lesbians or bi, have also reported being stigmatized and experiencing discrimination, especially if they play a traditionally male sport or if they don’t conform to feminine appearance standards. These include widely known tennis players like Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova and Amélie Mauresmo; Patty Sheehan, Rosie Jones and Alena Sharp in golf; Sheryl Swoopes, Sue Bird and Brittney Griner in basketball; and Abby Wambach, Erin McLeod, and Megan Rapinoe in soccer. 

What all these pioneers, men and women, have in common is the fact that most of them only felt free to speak up as they were reaching the end of their professional careers. This brings back the question: What about the current and active professional athletes? 

Back in the 90s, the footballer, Justin Fashanu, made headlines as the first professional player to come out as gay. Facing everyday pressure, this young ground-breaker took his own life. After this tragedy, there were years of silence, until aforementioned Rogers and quite recently, until the Australian sportsman, Josh Cavallo, came out as gay in October 2021. Cavallo is currently the only top-flight male professional footballer in the world to do so.

Cavallo’s announcement was met with overwhelming public support by footballers and other athletes. A week later, following Cavallo’s coming out, another professional Spanish soccer player announced that he is bisexual, but choose to stay anonymous for now. This unnamed player believes that the message and the support for the movement is more important than a name, as he said in a letter sent to Radio Murcia Cadena Ser. 

Cricket Rainbow Laces 2020 Stonewall Campaing via SkyNews

If we are to believe that we really live in times in which social norms are heading towards tolerance and acceptance for all, it appears that this tendency is least visible within sports, especially in male-dominant team sports. Here, being gay is perceived as being soft and weak. This stereotype is the one that every person, mentioned in this blog, has faced, and each one of them represents its negation – a contradiction of what the public often thinks a gay athlete would behave or look like. 

With the exception of a few men and women in sports, certain clubs and leagues, who try to be inclusive and supportive, the truth is that homophobia still thrives in sports. The participation in sports, especially in team sports, has a priority status in many countries when it comes to public health policies. Particularly, for psychosocial and physical conditioning of the youths.

Yet, a 2020 study showed that, in the U.S., UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and Ireland, almost 50% of LGBT+ individuals experienced some kind of homophobic treatment, even more so if they’ve been open about their sexual preferences. Over 70% of LGBT+ people and straight people believe it is not safe to come out in sport’s environments. The data shows that the prejudicial nature of sport spaces can serve as a deterrent for athletic participation for gay males in particular, as this population appears to be targeted harshly.

OutOn The Fields, Homophobia in Sports; outonthefields.com  

Instead of justifying homophobic comments towards opposing teams by saying it’s not personal, comments that perpetuate negative stereotypes should not be part of the game. Yes, not everyone does it but even if a few do, it’s a problem for LGBT+ players. It even seems fair to question the role of the media, especially when reporting on homophobic outbursts from the fans and some players.

Considering the high suicide rates among LGBT+ youth, mainly connected to homophobic environments, something so mainstream as sports shouldn’t normalize homophobia as an everyday practice. Homophobia is not a about sex. If anything, it’s a conversation about rights, values and respect. And addressing homophobia in sports is everyone’s responsibility.

Post Submitted by: M. Đaković  and Main Image of Rugby Players Kissing by BDDP & Fils, Paris (France) – Creative Criminals

Embracing Your Inner Daddy

If we are lucky enough to live a long life, we get older.  And that’s not a bad thing, right?  The passage of time, which is not renewable for humans, gives us more opportunity to experience life.

For those of us looking to connect with different generations, the Daddyhunt community provides us with that opportunity.  To bring us older (hopefully, wiser) gay, bi, curious, trans men together with a younger generation that’s attracted to us Daddies not only for our mature looks but also our wisdom and life experiences.

Is Embracing Our Transition Into Being Part of the Daddy Tribe Necessary?

Ultimately, that depends on what you’re looking for in your friends, dates, partners or a relationship and whether or not you’re comfortable owning your age and the label.  Some of us certainly like to date within our own age group, while others like me prefer to embrace all flavors – ethnically, physically and age wise.  Having dated and been in relationships with older guys and younger guys, I must say the age difference provides a healthy perspective. You view the world from different lenses and if you’re open-minded, you learn a great deal from each other.

But Are There Downsides to Labeling Yourself As A Daddy?

Certainly! As with any label, you are self-defining and perhaps limiting yourself.  While I have had my fair share of guys hitting me up on Daddyhunt and other apps (yes, we all use more than one) asking me if I’m a sugar daddy, most guys are interested in a legitimate intergenerational connection – whether that be a chat, friend, date or more.

So, What Is Today’s Gay Daddy?

Ultimately, it’s not about the older man taking care of the younger man, in my opinion.  We all know that the best relationships have an equal balance of power, and someone who identifies as a Daddy should definitely know that! In other words, while Daddy is older, he doesn’t reign supreme.

So, what is today’s Daddy in the LGBT+ community? Personally, I think of Daddy as an older gay man with a look, a sense of self-confidence, maturity and a desire to share his life experiences with someone who he’s attracted to who just happens to be younger. Is that such a bad thing? From this Daddy to other open (and closeted) Daddies out there, I think not. So, embrace your inner Daddy!

And One More Thing!

For all of you Daddy-hunters out there, it’s important for you to know that those of us on Daddyhunt who identify as Daddies aren’t interested in being your Sugar anything. There are other apps/websites for that, so (PLEASE!) stop hitting us up with your Venmo, CashApp, PayPal or Amazon Wishlists.

Submitted by: This Daddy

LGBT+ ON AIR: 5 Podcasts For You To Check Out

The first recorded podcast came out in 2004 and one year later, podcast became the word of the year in the American Oxford Dictionary. However, at that time, podcasts were far from being what they are now. In fact, it took a decade for the whole world to slowly enter the Golden Age Of Podcasts. Today, it is now estimated that there are over 2,000,000 podcasts available in over 100 languages.

What Is A Podcast?

There are many online definitions of what a podcast is, which explains all the details. To sum it up, a podcast is, basically, a radio show which has its own format, topic and audience. It is almost like an evolved radio show and much more than that. As audio or digital content, podcasts are available on almost every mobile phone and computer device and offers a wide range of subjects one can choose from. The listener can also choose hosts and guests to listen to, whether they are celebrities, politicians, scientists or even some ordinary people with extraordinary experiences. 

Podcasts are, usually, free of charge. Portable, therefore, more personal, and available for listening at any given time. The one thing that is being emphasized and can be seen as ‘’a podcast thing’’ is its freedom. The global rise of the podcast format is also interpreted within the needs of society to respond to endangered freedom of speech, critical thinking, censorship and the lack of space in mainstream media for those who think or act differently. So, it is only natural that the LGBT+ community recognized the importance of podcasting and made a space for itself within this contemporary way of communicating with an audience.

5 Podcasts For You To Check Out

There are numerous LGBT+ podcasts available today and many of them are enjoyed not only by an LGBT+ audience. Because the hosts, topics, guests, humor and the way certain subjects are tackled, these podcasts’ reach extends far beyond an LGBT+ only audience. For a first listen, people can use any online podcast search engine and keywords to find what they like. Many Best Podcasts lists are also available online, but you should definitely check out these five (5):

  1. Nancy (WNYC), hosted by two best friends, Tobin Low and Kathy Tu, features a range of topics exploring the LGBT+ experience and is ’’radically honest’’ and super gay while doing so! It really is heartfelt, serious and funny. The first episode is about the drama of coming out to a family member. Not exactly a sit-down in the living room! Nancy aired until 2020, but all the episodes are available at their official webpage: https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/nancy
  2. Making gay history, as the name suggests, is about exploring queer history, identity and intimacy. Most of the episodes rely on the 30-year old audio archives and rare interviews conducted and collected by the host, Eric Marcus. It is very informative and educational. It features personal portraits of known and long-forgotten heroes and witnesses to history. It is available for a listen at: https://makinggayhistory.com/  
  3. Food 4 Thot is a multiracial mix of queer writers, Tommy Pico, Denne Michele, Joseph Osmundson and Fran Tirad. The range of topics include some of the filthiest hook-up stories, Mariah Carey’s Vine account, but also queer theory, gender politics, books and authors. The New York Times described it as ’’boisterous, intellectual and sometimes profane’’. It’s been recommended by The Advocate, Out, Oprah Magazine, Vice and many others, so check it out at: https://food4thotpodcast.com/ 
  4. Queerology is a podcast on ’’belief and being’’ hosted by Mathiass Roberts, a therapist and a theologian himself. Asking questions like Is Christianity inherently queer? , Roberts meets up with philosophers, poets, priests and psychologists to discuss subjects on faith and sexuality, with the aim of exploring ways for better living for LGBT+ people of faith. The podcast is available at: https://matthiasroberts.com/queerology/ 
  5. Gay Therapy LA is hosted by Ken Howard, a licensed psychologist and a specialist in therapy for gay men with 30 years of experience. Ken gives tips and simple guidance on relationships and other related topics. Among Howard’s episodes, one can find discussions on the emotional, sexual and interpersonal needs of gay men, consensual non-monogamy early in relationships, sexual health and even money management. If it sounds like something you would listen to, visit: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gay-therapy-la-with-ken-howard-lcsw-cst/id1450860786 

No matter whether you’re on the go or working/relaxing at home, podcasts offer a variety of options for entertainment or to educate yourself about history or what’s currently happening around the world.

Post Submitted by: M. Đaković 

Just In Case You Forgot, It’s Movember! Where’s Your Moustache?

Movember is here! The N replaces the M, and M stands for moustache. In an effort to raise both funds and awareness for prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men, the Movember Movement was created. You can learn more here to raise money, donate or get involved.

While the popularity of the moustache itself has risen and fallen throughout time, the premise that people will inevitably ask you about your lip warmer holds true. We guess that’s why in recent years, Movember has gotten so much buzz. They even have a nice mobile app to help you keep your moustauche in check!

Are your participating in Movember? If so, be sure to take pictures and share them with us on our social media or here.

Happy Movember to all!

Halloween: The Gay High Holiday

Three decades ago, Halloween was almost a forgotten holiday across the UK, Europe and Japan. Even in Germany and some other countries in the late 20th century, Halloween was still an exclusively children’s holiday. So, why is the LGBT+ community responsible for bringing the halo back into the eve?

With its roots dating back to old pagan beliefs, the history of All Hallows Eve is long.  Samhain was a Gaelic festival marking the last days of the harvest and Summer. It was celebrated on the evening of the 31st of October when the boundaries between the physical and the spiritual worlds were blurred. According to the old Celts, spirits and fairies could easily visit on this evening, so food and drinks were offered in return for saving humans and their animals. Wearing costumes and masks were also a way to confuse the foreign visitors. 

Dare we mention that the big part of this old festival was playing with nuts? 

 In ancient societies, LGBT+ people often served as intermediaries between mortals and spirits. Divination is an occult ritual where a pagan priest or a shaman would ’’read’’ the hidden meanings or foretell the future using nuts or apples. In fact, nuts (and apples!) were a common treat given to men wearing costumes, also known as mummers, who were reciting folk tales during these festive days – more than two thousand years ago.

But this is not the only reason why Halloween is often considered the Gay High Holiday.

Since the 1940s, San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood had its own Halloween celebration for children, but by the late 1970s, the celebration shifted to a flamboyantly LGBT+ street party. Though we think of San Francisco as this liberal bastion, in the mid 19th century, the city actually was quite oppressive and had laws against wearing clothes which are not in accordance to one’s sex. Needless to say, the LGBT+ community realized that Halloween in the Castro provided the perfect opportunity to express themselves in all their fabulousness. 

Will & Grace – S1, E5

From the those early LGBT+ Halloween Street parties in the Castro, adult Halloween celebrations spread throughout LGBT+ communities throughout the U.S.. We all know that the LGBT+ community has been a major cultural and trend setting community throughout history, which is why our adult heterosexual brothers and sisters joined in on the Halloween celebrations. Today, Halloween is a major party night for adults across the world.  

What makes Halloween inevitably queer is not just its spiritual or historical background and not even the usual stereotypes about LGBT+ people being into ’’fashion, drama and dressing up’’. It’s the genuine need to come out, to revel, play or experiment with ones identity and to be free of judgment, shame or fear. This is why Halloween symbolizes the overall LGBT+ liberalization movement.

So, on this year’s Halloween, let’s be outrageous, inappropriate and ridiculous! Let’s be safe, have fun and respect each other. Halloween is for everyone!  And remember: 

To quote Will from Will & Grace, “Remember, wear reflective tape, get lots of candy, and don’t put anything in your mouth that isn’t wrapped.”

Post Submitted by: M. Đaković and Featured Image by: Michael S.

How I Accidentally Slept with a Gay Catholic Priest

Can you outrun your childhood?

Possibly not, I realized after a brief tryst in Louisville. There on a press trip, I bumped into the cutest guy I’d seen in quite some time. Red hair, eyes of a cerulean summer sky, and a smile that would make sunshine jealous. We sat by the crackle of hotel lobby firelight and laughed, told stories, and shared secrets until I invited him up.

Our time alone was intense and well spent. We languished in the shower afterwards, squirting water in each other’s faces, scrubbing each other and unable to go more than 30 seconds without locking lips. Of course I asked him to spend the night. Of course he said yes.

Something about him seemed familiar, although I was sure we’d never met before. Was it because he was 99 percent Irish, like me? Was it because we had a history of alcoholism in our families or that we’d both moved repeatedly across the country as kids? Was it because we had both been altar boys?

Being Catholic was one of the things that saved me as a boy. Not “saved” in the everlasting sense, mind you. But saved from spending time with my mother and ogre of a step-father. Once I became an altar boy, I had a free pass from the anarchic drama my parents called “home.” I’d do my chores, but then scamper off into the comforting arms of my savior, and my parents couldn’t have any objection. Who could carp about service to the Lord?

That was one of the topics Brian and I landed on when we started chatting, and neither of us could say enough about how it had shaped us. Loving the security, loving the traditions, loving the serenity had clearly intoxicated us both. That the Holy Church railed against homosexuality was almost incidental, as we both acknowledged: the Church said one thing in its dogma, while the brothers and the priests and the rest of the Catholic hierarchy did what they pleased with a wink and a nod — and maybe a few extra Hail Marys for good luck.

As the next morning wore on, we had another go around and then cleaned up to depart. I asked to see him again. He said he’d like nothing more, but didn’t think it was a good idea.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because,” he said, “I’m a priest. I’m married to the Church.”

I was gobsmacked. I had just several times helped a Man of the Cloth violate his vows and was hoping to do so many times more. I asked him how, if he was set in his beliefs, he could do that — and why he didn’t tell me the whole truth from jump street.

He shrugged. “I’m a sinner. We all are. The best we can do is try to live by God’s law and ask forgiveness when we can’t.”

I was overcome with sorrow and shame. I couldn’t deny my attraction, or our connection. But I also couldn’t conscience how someone could so casually sidestep his own code of ethics for romps with randoms.

At that point, we parted company and I was left thinking that although I had left Catholicism — and indeed, Christianity — for something that felt more spiritual and less hypocritical, I still felt an excruciating pang of what the faithful call “Catholic guilt.” I never contacted the priest again. I never heard another word from him either, even though we had exchanged phone numbers the night before.

I wouldn’t reach out to him for another night of passion, another drink by the firelight, or another moment of camaraderie. Every time I wondered whether he might be the One Who Got Away, my mind would bounce to those serene hours in the Church, what they meant for me, and how one man took my trust in him and my former faith, put them in a blender with his own insensitivities and set them swirling together on high.

I was never abused as an altar boy, as so many have been. But this one man reopened old wounds, poured salt in them and ambled out of that hotel with a conscience clear as any spring morning.

Written By: Kevin Phinney & originally published on Metrosource.com on November 27, 2018

Image By: Marian Kamensky

A Kiss As An Assault: History of LGBT+ Representation In Cinema

“I think the fate of gay characters in American literature, plays, films is really the same as the fate of all characters who are sexually free.” – Arthur Laurents

LGBT+ characters have a long history in Hollywood movies. Since the 19th century, cinema followed mostly dominant notions of homosexuality.  In this context, LGBT+ history in film is a history of laughter, pity and fear. It has also been full of misinformation and negative portrayals of all kinds. 

Mirroring western culture, Hollywood’s reflection can be delusional, even mythical in its nature, which may emphasize the industry’s role in creating a certain public image and of how LGBT+ people perceive themselves.  Starting with the early 20th century, showing a sissy or a pansy as a flowery, feminine or an asexual male, played into the stereotype of homosexuals as a safe source of comedy. The Great Depression in the 1930s brought financial struggles for movie theaters. In order to bring back audiences, movie makers began spicing it all up with themes of prostitution and violence. Naturally, this provoked an immediate reaction from the Catholic Church and conservative politicians who were concerned about the negative influence of movies on American society. 

Because a U.S. Supreme Court ruling excluded 1st Amendment protection for the movie industry, The Motion Picture Production Code (aka Hays Code) was created in 1934. While  censorship due to the Hays Code lasted for the next three decades, the Code itself didn’t explicitly forbid homosexual characters in movies, but it did refer to ’’sexual perversion’’. So, the portrayal of homosexuals in drag or as sissies ended. In lieu, studios begin showing LGBT+ characters as villains or victims of their own sexual ’’wrongdoing’’. The censors tolerated this as long as ’’the crime is not above the law’’ and this rule continued to exist even after the WW2. 

Often, LGBT+ characters were presented in a negative light, such as, individuals suffering from mental illness (The Rope, 1948), and only some wiser directors could bypass the rules, by showing something in between (The Maltese Falcon, 1941). Unfortunately, the 1950s were no better for LGBT+ characters in cinema. “Real man” were supposed to be masculine and full of machismo, so the slightest hint of sensuality in a male would be interpreted as homosexual. Movies continued to support this stereotype, again with the ‘’hidden meaning’’ of their characters (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, 1953). 

Unlike the previous decades, the 1960s marked a significant liberalization of censorship. In 1961, The Victim was the first English language movie to use with word “homosexual” followed in 1964 by The Best Man which also used the word ’’homosexual’’ for the first time in American film history. We also shouldn’t forget The Pawnbroker, which depicted a more complex homosexual character played by Brock Peters. 

The Victim (1961)

While Hollywood remained more open to homosexual characters until the late 60s, it continued to ignore the existence of LGBT+ audiences. The Boys in the Band released in 1970 is the first movie created specifically for an LGBT+ audience. It was, without a doubt, a realistic portrayal of what it meant to be gay in America during that time. Its release was not a turning point in how homosexual characters were portrayed, though. Movie studios continued to depict stereotypical roles offering two ’’happy endings’’ for queer characters: cure or death. 

With the exception of Making Love (1982) and a couple of other films, which show homosexual relationships as more complex and loving relationships, gay characters in 80s films remained psychopaths and killers. This all led to the first protest against Hollywood’s treatment of homosexuals, as a direct reaction to the film Cruising (1980). Tensions between the liberal and more conservative film depictions followed all throughout the 80s, this time fueled by the HIV/AIDS pandemic. Movies supported the general homophobic ’’if you’re gay, you have AIDS’’ stereotype, showing queer characters as tragic. 

It really wasn’t until the 90s when more individuals and celebrities started coming out as LGBT+ that we begin to see a shift in how gay characters were portrayed. Queer movie and television characters became more decent, mainstream and likeable, often in roles of a best friend or someone who decided to come out. It also worth noting that Philadelphia released in 1993 was the first mainstream Hollywood film to acknowledge HIV/AIDS and the discrimination that people living with HIV/AIDS endured. 

In the 90s, we also saw a younger generation of filmmakers involved in The New Queer Cinema. Theyprovided a new direction in films. Films that were often written, acted, and directed by openly LGBT+ people. Needless to say, this had a significant influence on mainstream Hollywood. It paved the way for multi-layered, dignified and respectful queer characters. Vito Russo’s book The Celluloid Closet, including the documentary of the same name (1995) offers an excellent overview of LGBT+ characters in history of the mainstream and indie movies up until 1987. 

When it comes to contemporary Hollywood cinema, the turning point is The Brokeback Mountain (2005) film winning three Oscars, followed by Milk (2008), A Single Man (2009), The Kids Are All Right (2010), Weekend (2010) and Blue is the Warmest Colour and Stranger by the Lake from 2013. The rise of gay characters in the 21st century is evident. Still, only 12% of major studio films included LGBT+ characters by the year 2017, which is the same year when Moonlight won an Oscar for Best Picture. Out of that 12%, only 64% of those films included characters that were more importantly tied to the plot.  

Movies have the power to influence societal changes. So, the rise of gay characters in 21st century cinema is important and offers an opportunity for filmmakers to portray LGBT+ characters in a way that spurs greater acceptance for the community.

Click here for a list of LGBT+ movies to watch.

Post Submitted by: M. Đaković

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