Your brain has a dirty sense of humor and a very active imagination. It’s built to chase pleasure, connection, and novelty, so it makes sense that sex shows up in your head even when you’re asleep. Sex dreams are wildly common, no matter your age or who you’re into.

Dreams about sex can feel raw and instinctive, but they also say something about what’s going on when you’re awake. They reflect moods, needs, and tension as much as pure desire. And they rarely match your real-life wishlist one-to-one.

Your sleep fantasies are useful for one simple reason: they show you what your mind and body keep circling back to. Let’s dig into why your brain keeps producing after-dark storylines and what they can reveal about your relationships.

What do sex dreams mean?

Dreams are slippery. Nobody can point to one perfect reason you dreamed what you dreamed, especially when sex and intimacy get involved. A sex dream can carry anything from craving closeness to wanting attention, validation, or a release from stress. The meaning depends less on the plot and more on what the dream felt like.

The best way to read a sex dream is emotionally, not literally. You can have a vivid dream about someone random and walk away with a real insight that has nothing to do with actually wanting that person. Your brain casts familiar faces because they’re easy props. The feeling is the point.

Why sexual dreams happen

Sex dreams don’t only show up because you’re horny. They can pop up when you’re craving security, confidence, comfort, excitement, or being desired. The mind loves using sex as a loud, simple language for complicated needs.

Your body plays a role too. Arousal before bed can nudge your brain in that direction. So can physical sensations while you sleep, like pressure, warmth, or the way you’re positioned.

Common Sex Dream Scenarios

Sex with your ex

An ex shows up when your brain wants a familiar kind of heat. You’re not missing the person as much as the feeling you had with them: the way you were wanted, the way you felt when you were chosen, the version of yourself that came out around them.

If the dream feels gentle, it highlights comfort you miss. If it feels edgy, it taps a leftover tension that still has charge. Either way, it’s a signal. It points to the kind of intensity your body likes and the kind of attention that lands. Take the lesson with you and keep moving.

Sex with your partner

These dreams are your brain spotlighting connection. They can feel like a highlight reel, or they can push into something new that you haven’t tried yet. The difference matters.

When the dream mirrors real life, it’s reinforcement: desire is alive, intimacy is working, you feel close. When the dream goes off into a different lane, it’s your subconscious flirting with novelty. New settings, new pace, new roles, new attitude. Think of it as a small push toward variety, the kind that keeps chemistry from feeling like a routine.

Sex with multiple people

For a lot of people, this dream is a pressure release valve. In a group scene, the rules feel looser, the mind gets out of the way, and the body takes over. It can also be your brain processing desire as abundance: the fantasy of being wanted by more than one person, with attention coming from every direction.

Frequent threesome dreams suggest the fantasy really has a pull for you, so your brain keeps drifting back to it. Thinking about taking it off the dream screen and into real life? Here’s our practical guide on how to do it comfortably and confidently: How to Have a Gay Threesome.

Sex with your boss or someone in charge

Authority dreams don’t need a workplace crush to make sense. This one’s about power and status. In one version, you’re the one being chosen. In another, you’re the one calling the shots. Under it all, it comes down to one thing: who gets the power, and how it feels in your hands.

These dreams tend to show what you’re hungry for: confidence, direction, a green light to want what you want, dominance, or the relief of not having to be the responsible one for once. The details change; the craving stays the same.

Sex with a celebrity

Celebrity dreams are rarely about the real person. They’re about the package that comes with the image: confidence, attention, status, the feeling that you’re on stage. Your subconscious grabs a ready-made symbol and flips on the right mood fast. A dream like that usually points to a pull toward that kind of energy in your own life.

In these scenes, looks matter less than the feeling that lingers after you wake up. It can carry a taste for admiration, ease, boldness, and a sense of your own value. Your brain paints the perfect picture for the state you want to step into more often. And when the theme keeps returning, it signals something pretty clearly: more confidence, more attention, more of that feeling of being chosen.

Sex in public

Public sex dreams usually show up when you’re craving a little risk and a hit of adrenaline. The spark comes from the “what if” of it all, the sense of being bold, the thrill of getting close to the edge. It’s a very specific kind of tension, and it can feel insanely hot.

If that theme keeps popping up, you can bring the same charge into real life in a safer way. Change the setting, add a role, build a scenario that feels “almost too risky” while staying in control. And it doesn’t have to be truly public. Sometimes stepping outside your usual routine at home is enough to make everything feel new again.

Sex with a stranger

Sex dreams about a stranger usually show up when you’re craving fresh energy. The whole scene carries that “new start” feeling, with everything running on attraction and curiosity. It fits the moments when you want to break out of your usual rhythm and feel the thrill of meeting someone again.

If that theme keeps coming back, take it as a cue to bring more novelty into your dating life: meet someone new, flirt a little bolder, give a different type a real chance, and let curiosity lead.

BDSM and power play

These dreams usually point to a desire for experimentation and stronger sensations in sex. They often highlight the opposite of how you show up during the day: when you’re the one in control in real life, it can feel good in a dream to let go and let your partner lead; when you’re missing power and confidence in your everyday life, the dream may lean toward taking charge and setting the rules.

The point is simple: what turns you on, and which role you want to step into. Dreams like these can hint at what your sex life could use more of when you’re awake. Treat them as ideas for what to try next, to make things hotter and more varied.

Daddy and Younger Dreams

A dream where you’re the Daddy and a younger shows up

In the dream, you take the lead and set the pace. That role can feel grounded, confident, and in control. A lot of the pleasure comes from steering the mood, owning the moment, and deciding how it unfolds. Dreams like this usually point to a craving for more leadership in sex, and for a partner who brings that side of you out naturally.

A dream where you’re the younger and you’re with a Daddy

It’s a different feeling altogether, more about letting your partner lead and trusting them to steer the moment. In that role, it’s easy to relax and just feel. These dreams often reflect a pull toward a partner’s confidence, steady energy, and that satisfying sense of being in good hands.

If you’re ready to turn that kind of dream into real life, it might be the perfect time to download Daddyhunt. Find your match — Daddy, younger, or somewhere in between.

How to use your sex dreams

Sex dreams give you a clue about what you want. After them, there’s usually a clear feeling left behind: a craving for something more, or something different. From there, the choice is simple. Keep it as a fantasy. Or take a step and turn it into an experience.

Dreams spark it. Real meetings make it burn.

How to have a sex dream

Want more hot dreams? You can’t control it directly, but you can influence the odds.

The cleanest method is lucid dreaming. That’s when you realize you’re dreaming and can steer the scene. It takes practice, and it’s easier for some people than others, but even a little control can go a long way.

For something simpler, focus on what you feed your brain before sleep. Arousal helps. Sex, masturbation, erotica, a hot chat, a fantasy you replay on purpose. Keep it light, keep it fun, then go to bed and let your mind do the rest.

Download Daddyhunt

If your dream life brings the heat, give it a place to land in real life. Find someone who matches your vibe and what you’re into. Download Daddyhunt and turn those nighttime fantasies into a chat, a date, and sex you’ll want again.

The Daddyhunt Team

If you’ve ever heard someone ask, “Which ear is the gay ear?”—welcome to one of queer culture’s most persistent pop-myths. The idea is simple: a piercing in a specific ear supposedly “signals” a man’s sexuality. It’s cheeky, it’s iconic, and it’s been repeated enough times that it can feel like a rule.

In reality, it’s more like a cultural footprint: a leftover from a time when queer people used subtle cues to find each other, stay safer, and build community. Today, a pierced ear usually says more about your taste than your orientation—but the history is still worth knowing.

So… which ear is the “gay ear”?

Traditionally, the myth points to the right ear. The shorthand you’ll hear is: right = gay, left = straight. That “rule” traveled widely in the late 20th century and lingered in mainstream gossip long after the context faded.

But here’s the modern read: there isn’t a reliable “gay ear.” People pierce whichever ear they like (or both, or multiple), and the meaning—if there is one—comes from the person wearing it, not the ear itself.

Still, the right-ear association didn’t appear out of nowhere. It reflects a real moment in queer history.

Why coded signals ever mattered

Before dating apps, before rainbow merch in big-box stores, before it felt normal (or even possible) to be openly queer in many places, people found each other through codes—little choices that could be read by those “in the know.”

Think of it as a low-volume way to say:
“I might be family.”
“You’re safe with me.”
“We’re speaking the same language.”

A piercing could be part of that language because it was visible, easy to keep casual, and flexible: one person could read it as fashion, another could read it as community.

The rise of the right-ear association

From the 1970s into the 1990s, the idea that a right-ear piercing could signal queerness—especially for men—became a recognizable piece of cultural shorthand in some regions. Not everywhere, and not universally, but enough that it turned into a rumor with legs.

Why the right ear? There isn’t one single official origin story. Cultural “codes” often spread the same way slang does: through nightlife, friend groups, local scenes, and media echoing what it heard. Over time, what started as scene-specific became a broad stereotype.

And as stereotypes tend to do, it jumped the fence into straight culture—where it was sometimes repeated as trivia, sometimes as a way to police masculinity, and sometimes just as a punchline.

What a right-ear piercing means now

These days, the clearest meaning of a right-ear piercing is usually:
“I like earrings.”

It can also mean:

• you’re into a certain aesthetic (minimal studs, hoops, punk, alt, luxury, androgynous, etc.)
• you’re playing with symmetry and face framing
• you saw a celebrity or creator doing it and it looked good
• you’re stacking multiple piercings and the “ear choice” is purely practical

Could it still be a queer-coded wink for some people? Sure—in specific circles, with specific styling, in specific contexts. But as a general “signal,” it’s simply not dependable.

What about the left ear?

The “left = straight” part was always a bit of a stretch. Straight men rarely needed secret codes to find each other romantically, and the left-ear idea often functioned more like a cultural workaround: “If right is gay, I’ll do left so nobody assumes.”

These days, left-ear piercings are just as common and just as style-driven as right-ear piercings. In many places, the left/right distinction barely registers.

If you’re looking for a real “signal,” here’s the better one

If your goal is to figure out whether someone’s queer or available, ears aren’t the best tool. The most accurate signals are the ones that come from consent and communication—or from spaces designed for exactly that.

In real life, context helps:

• Where are you? A queer bar vs. a grocery store reads differently.
• How are they presenting overall? Clothing, vibe, body language, eye contact.
• Are they engaging back? A smile and conversation go further than detective work.

And if you’re on apps, the “signal” is refreshingly straightforward: profiles exist so people can show what they want and how they want to connect.

Style corner: men’s earrings that are trending

No matter how you identify, earrings are having a moment—again. If you want options that feel current without trying too hard, these are easy wins:

Hoops

Clean, bold, and surprisingly versatile. Small hoops feel classic; thicker hoops feel more statement; medium hoops land in the sweet spot.

Studs

The universal starter earring. Go minimalist (silver, gold, black) or add texture (stones, shapes) without overwhelming your face.

Dangly earrings

A single dangle can turn a basic outfit into a full look. Chains, feathers, charms—pick your vibe. (And yes: it will read expressive, which is part of the fun.)

Stacks and layers

Multiple piercings in one ear are peak modern styling. Mix sizes, keep a theme (all metal, all black, all gems), or go intentionally mismatched.

A modern take: what the “gay ear” story is really about

The best part of this myth isn’t whether it “works.” It’s what it points to: how creative queer people have always been about finding each other. Fashion has long been a language—sometimes playful, sometimes protective, often both.

So if you’ve got a piercing in your right ear, left ear, both, or five up the cartilage: enjoy it. Let it be style, self-expression, or a little nod to history—whatever feels most like you.

Because at the end of the day, the most attractive signal isn’t which ear you pierced.
It’s clarity, confidence, and the way you show up.

However, there’s still a simple, reliable way to show you’re into men—and to meet guys who match your vibe: Daddyhunt. Whether you’re gay, bi, or just curious, you can connect with experienced men even if you prefer to stay discreet. Features like private albums, expiring photos, a discreet app icon, and a passcode lock help you keep things private while you chat.

The Daddyhunt Team

What’s a threesome?

Before getting into the how, it helps to be clear about what we actually mean.

A consensual sexual experience involving three people at the same time, usually driven by curiosity, chemistry, and a shared desire to explore something beyond the usual one-on-one dynamic.

The key phrase here is sexual experience. There’s no required checklist and no single way it has to look. Penetration isn’t mandatory, and everyone involved gets to define what feels right. Different combinations — like two men and a woman, two women and a man, or three men — can shape the dynamic in different ways.

Some couples explore threesomes as part of open relationships or ethical non-monogamy to see how sharing intimacy affects their bond. Others, especially singles, are drawn to threesomes simply because variety can be fun and connection doesn’t always have to come in pairs.

Talk it through first

Before you jump into the “how,” get clear on the “why.” What’s the goal of this threesome—novelty, a specific fantasy, or a shared experiment? What would an ideal night look like, and what’s off the table? Knowing your boundaries, your ideal third, and what turns you on keeps the experience intentional.

If you’re a couple, talk like teammates. Cover the basics: condoms, testing/PrEP/undetectable comfort level, who you’re picturing as a third, and whether this is a one-time thing or part of something more open. Have the conversation when you’re not already turned on, so you can think clearly.

This is how you avoid drama. Most problems come from assumptions—one partner thinks it’s casual, the other thinks it changes the relationship, or nobody says what they actually need. Be honest with yourself and each other, and remove ambiguity upfront. Clear expectations keep it safe, smooth, and genuinely fun.

Find the right third: chemistry plus compatibility

When it comes to finding a third, clarity and communication make all the difference. Whether you’re a couple or a solo third, the goal is to choose a situation where expectations are clear and everyone feels respected.

Choosing someone from your daily life — neighbours, coworkers, or close friends — can raise the stakes and create unnecessary complications afterward. While it can work, it often adds stress and emotional weight that’s hard to undo.

That’s why many people look for options that offer a bit more distance, transparency, and flexibility. Below are a few common ways couples and singles meet a third — from dating apps to social events and travel — each with its own dynamics, benefits, and things to consider.

Use a Dating App to Find the Right Third

Apps are one of the easiest and most efficient ways to find a willing third, especially for couples. They allow you to be upfront about what you’re looking for and connect with people who are already open to that dynamic, instead of guessing intentions in person.

Be clear from the start. State your intentions early to save time and avoid awkward conversations later. This helps ensure you’re talking to someone who’s genuinely interested in a threesome, not someone expecting things to turn into a traditional one-on-one relationship.

Create a profile that features both of you and clearly explain in the “About Me” section what you’re after. This naturally attracts people who are already on the same page. From there, reach out to members you like and start the conversation with confidence and transparency.

Considering a Hot Friend as Your Third

Inviting a friend can feel like the most natural option, but it’s not without its risks. Familiarity can make things more comfortable, yet it can also complicate relationships if boundaries aren’t clear.

Sex has a way of changing dynamics, sometimes in ways you don’t expect. Before asking, think carefully about whether you’re prepared for things to feel different afterward — even if everyone agrees it’s casual.

For some people, mixing friendship and sex is no big deal. For others, it’s a recipe for awkwardness or emotional fallout. Just because it’s convenient doesn’t mean it’s the right move, so choose wisely and don’t ignore your instincts.

Meet someone at queer-friendly events

Queer parties, pride events, mixers, and themed nights at bars or clubs are social spaces where openness and flirting are already part of the atmosphere. Showing up together as a couple makes your dynamic clear from the start and naturally attracts people who are curious rather than confused.

These settings allow conversation and chemistry to build before anything is discussed directly. If there’s mutual interest, it’s easy to mention that you’re together and open to something fun, without pressure or expectations. Reading the room and keeping things light is key.

And if you’re attending solo, these events can work just as well in the opposite direction — they’re a great place to meet couples who are openly socializing together and may be looking for a third. Being observant, respectful, and open to conversation goes a long way.

Finding a Third While Traveling or on Retreat

Trips and retreats for gay men or LGBTQ+ travelers create relaxed environments where people feel more social and open to new experiences. Being out of your usual routine makes it easier for attraction to develop naturally through shared meals, conversations, and activities.

For couples, these settings help reveal who genuinely connects with both partners. When chemistry is mutual, spending more time together often feels intuitive rather than forced. Because travel environments are immersive, clear and respectful communication is especially important to keep expectations aligned and avoid confusion.

 Keep it safe. Keep it hot.

Congrats — you’ve found your third. Before you meet, take a minute to get aligned on the basics that shape the whole experience: condoms, your PrEP/undetectable comfort level, what you’re excited to do tonight, and what you prefer to save for another time. For couples, it also helps to name the sensitive areas up front—kissing, intimacy, and aftercare—so everyone knows what “connection” looks like in this setup.

During the session, keep communication active. Quick check-ins make everything smoother: “You good?” “More of this?” “Slower?” If you want something, say it. If you want to shift the vibe, say it. Clear, enthusiastic consent and simple feedback keep everyone feeling included and confident.

If you want an easy format, use plain language:

• “I’m into X.”
• “I might be into Y, depending on the vibe.”
• “Tonight I’m choosing Z.”

And keep safety active the whole time. If something starts to feel off, a boundary gets blurry, or you feel uncomfortable, you can pause or stop. There’s a big difference between a clumsy accident and someone crossing a line without consent.

Make the vibe clear

A good threesome isn’t just three bodies in the same room. It’s a shared atmosphere. Some nights start slow: a drink, a little conversation, a few minutes of flirting before anything else happens. Other nights are more direct: you already know what you want, so you set up the basics (condoms, lube, water, towels) and get into it without overthinking.

If you’re a Daddy + Hunter couple and you’ve chosen a Hunter as your third, lean into that dynamic with intention. Let the Daddy energy set the pace — confident, grounded, unhurried. Let the Hunter vibe stay playful, curious, and open. When the tone matches the dynamic, everything feels smoother and more natural.

Whatever style you choose — slow and sensual or fast and straightforward — keep it consistent and easy to read. When everyone understands the vibe, the chemistry has room to do its thing.

Talk After the Threesome

You did it. One simple way to make next time even better is to talk about what you liked while it’s still fresh. A quick debrief keeps everyone aligned—what worked, what surprised you in a good way, and what you’d tweak next time.

Whether you include the third depends on your relationship. Some couples prefer to check in privately first, especially if this is new territory. Don’t be surprised if a bit of jealousy or confusion shows up afterward—that’s normal, particularly after a first threesome. Talking it through matters more than how good the sex was in the moment.

Sex gets better when it’s discussed. Use what you learn to reset boundaries, clarify expectations, and shape future experiences into something you actually want to repeat.

A Threesome Should Feel Easy to Enjoy

A great threesome comes down to three things: mutual desire, real comfort, and a vibe where everyone feels included.

If you’re ready to make it happen, Daddyhunt makes finding a third easy. A shared couple profile sets expectations upfront, and you can be clear about the dynamic you want—whether that’s strong Daddy energy or a playful Hunter vibe. Clarity helps everyone align from the start.

The Daddyhunt Team

Flowy skirts, soft sweaters, glossy lips, thigh-highs… Why should girls have all the fun? The femboy aesthetic has stepped into the spotlight, and whether you admire it, explore it, or proudly embody it — Daddyhunt is here to help you understand exactly what it means.

What is a femboy?

At its core, a femboy is someone—traditionally a boy or someone assigned male at birth—who embraces a feminine gender expression. Not a gender identity, not a sexual orientation, but simply how they choose to present themselves.

Think:
• nail polish and subtle makeup
• thigh-high socks, skirts, soft silhouettes
• gentle mannerisms or a playful voice
• or even masculine clothing worn in a soft, gender-bending way

A femboy can be cis, trans, nonbinary, gay, straight, pan, bi… The aesthetic belongs to anyone who feels drawn to it.

Where did the term “femboy” come from?

Like many reclaimed words in the queer community, femboy began with negativity. In the early 1990s, it appeared alongside slurs aimed at “unmanly” boys.
But queer culture has a habit of turning pain into pride — and soon, what was once an insult evolved into a celebrated aesthetic embraced by online communities, fashion, and queer spaces around the world.

Today, the word isn’t an insult or a badge of honor. It’s simply a descriptor — a way someone might express themselves.

Femboy vs. transgender: what’s the difference?

A femboy is about presentation.
Being transgender is about identity.

A feminine-presenting cis man is still a man.
A trans man with soft features is still a man.
A trans woman in cargo shorts is still a woman.

Calling a trans woman a femboy is incorrect and hurtful — the term isn’t interchangeable with gender identity. When in doubt, ask respectfully.

Femboy vs. crossdresser

Crossdressing is the act of wearing clothing typically associated with another gender. But femboy expression goes further than that — it can include behavior, voice, styling, aesthetics, and personality.

People crossdress for all kinds of reasons: joy, creativity, comfort, sensuality. All are valid.
Femboys may crossdress, but many express femininity without wearing traditionally “female” clothing at all.

Am I a femboy?

If the thought makes your heart flutter, your curiosity spark, or your wardrobe feel incomplete — maybe.
There’s only one true requirement: you decide to be one. No one becomes a femboy by accident (well… except in certain fantasies).
It’s an expression, a style, a vibe — something you step into intentionally and joyfully.

Femboy Culture: How It Shows Up

Behavior

Being a femboy can include:
• softer tones and gentle speech
• playful, shy, or coquettish manners
• nurturing or sweet behavior
• expressive emotion and openness
• confidence in blending masculine + feminine energy

Of course, none of these traits are inherently “female.” The patriarchy just labeled them that way. Anyone can be soft or bold, sweet or fierce.

Aesthetic

Here’s where many people start — because femboy style is irresistibly fun.

Hair

Long or short: both work.
Long hair allows braids, curls, ponytails.
Short hair pairs perfectly with ribbons, clips, or soft styling.

Makeup

From a touch of mascara to a full kawaii glam look — the spectrum is wide.
Blush, gloss, shadow, highlight, glitter… choose your level of sparkle.

Accessories

Chokers, earrings, pearl necklaces, rings, cat ears, thigh-highs — accessories often define the femboy vibe more strongly than the clothes themselves.

Clothing

Yes: skirts, dresses, crop tops.
But also: baggy sweaters, oversized denim, soft knits, sheer layers.
The best outfit is the one that makes you feel confident, sensual, and yourself.

Daddyhunt Loves All Expressions of Masculinity

Whether you’re a femboy, a Daddy, a power bottom, a cub, a gentle giant, or something uniquely your own — Daddyhunt celebrates you.

We encourage every member of our community to feel safe exploring their identity and presenting themselves authentically. If you see hate or shaming toward femboys or any gender-bending expression — speak up. Safe spaces exist because we protect them together.

And if you’re curious to meet femboys nearby?
Daddyhunt is the perfect place to connect with men who express themselves with confidence, creativity, and pride.

Because no matter how you look or feel, there’s someone out there who finds your authenticity deeply attractive.

The Daddyhunt Team

Check-Ups and Health Screenings

My good friend’s brother Tim was diagnosed with advanced mouth cancer 3 months ago. It’s been a struggle since then to treat the illness but they are doing their best and Tim is not giving up.

I keep thinking about one thing my friend told me in regards to this. Right after learning about the diagnosis over the phone, he rushed over to his brother’s house, and he sat with his brother and his brother’s partner working out a plan of action. He told me that later, once everyone else in the house was asleep they just sat in comforting silence on the deck and out of the blue Tim said, “I’ve known something was wrong for a while.” Apparently he had symptoms for over a year but didn’t do anything about it until the discomfort became overwhelming. When he finally addressed the issue, it was almost too late.

Without going into the details of what Tim is dealing with right now, suffice it to say it is a whole-damn-lot. It’s frightening to think of someone you care for existing like this. He is not the person he was a year ago and he will never be the same again. 

I thought it best to start with that dose of reality because way too many of us are not allowing ourselves to age as gracefully as we can healthy wise. It’s imperative to be as proactive as possible and double down on all efforts once we reach 40 years old. 

Why should you care? Because early detection is the best way to combat any illness and gives you an effective chance to survive it. Early detection means committing to regular check-ups and screenings.

Check-Ups 
In a perfect world everyone on the planet would get an annual check-up that covers all the bases. But, the world is a raging dumpster fire so we do what we can. If you are healthy you should get a check up at least once every 3-5 years up until you are about 40. Once you turn the big 4-0 you need to make the effort to get annual check-ups. Look at this as the time to check-in with your doctor in regards to your general and sexual health. It’s also the opportunity to talk about any bodily changes you may have noticed and to address any concerns. 

Screenings
When you see your doctor for the check-up, you should talk to them about what screenings you should get and when. Everyone’s needs can strikingly differ depending on their lifestyle. 

Otherwise, here is a basic breakdown of what you can expect. 

Cholesterol and Blood Pressure
Diabetes
Colon Cancer
Prostate Cancer
Testicular Cancer
Skin Cancer
Hearing and Vision
Oral Health

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to age as gracefully as possible by being mindful of your health check-ups and screenings.

The Daddyhunt Team

The International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia was established in 2004 and 17th of May was chosen specifically to commemorate the World Health Organization’s decision to declassify homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1990.  To celebrate this date, numerous small and large projects have been recorded all over the world, even in countries where same-sex activity is illegal – but for many of us, the hardest battles are being fought within our most intimate circles.

While some friends, co-workers and family members are very supportive, some might experience certain challenges in accepting who you are. It’s important to keep in mind that it is not about you – it’s them. Simply put, you are not responsible for what some individuals may think, as this kind of mindset often goes together with a wider pallet of personal values and beliefs which have nothing to do with you, so you cannot just ‘’change their mind’’ overnight. This all being said, of course, is much easier to apply when we’re interacting with people we don’t really know. However, once an emotional or a deeper connection is implied, as it is with our family or friends, how we receive or react can be more challenging.

When it comes to our family members, it’s good to be patient, without insisting to be accepted right away or within a time frame that you think is ok for you. Again, it’s about them. It’s fine to acknowledge their own fear and confusion, even anger, so give it time and sometimes give space too, as family members sometimes do learn their own way on how to accept or even embrace your sexual identity. At times it can be very hurtful, excommunicating even, sometimes this ‘’acceptance’’ comes very silently and sometimes it just doesn’t happen. If you recognize your own family as crucial to your own existence (not everyone does, and that is perfectly fine), maybe to try hanging out more with one or two relatives who seem alright with your choices, or don’t ask you about them, and with whom you can nurture a healthy relationship in the future.

Unlike family, friends are people that we consciously choose to be part of our lives. Some close friends who happen to be on a more intuitive side already knew what was to be known about you, even without a clear demonstration from your side, so you probably don’t have to explain a lot. These friends are to be kept close while others who do manifest some sort of homophobic manners might as well go from friends to acquittances, if anything at all, and you will lose nothing (but they might).

Some people in our environment will continue to make insensitive remarks, or demonstrate certain behavior, completely oblivious to the impact it can have on those around them. If you feel that the environment is safe and you happen to be into smart or funny comebacks, feel free to participate in a discussion, why not? But it would be good for you to avoid placing yourself in a position where you must personally justify or explain yourself.  Instead, recognize the place where the other person is coming from: is it related to religion, or maybe a more conservative community or set of values, is it the type of media they’ve been consuming, so you can tackle on that. However, be sure that you are well informed on the subject and what the other side is saying.

For example, if the other person’s position is based on religious views, you can always rely on the tendency of religious people to selectively use or interpret quotes from the Bible itself: on one side citing against homosexuality, but on the other side ignoring quotes in which adultery, and a woman entering a marriage and not being a virgin is punishable by death. So, focus your arguments on human evolution and the way people think and interact with each other, which makes some religious commands irrelevant or even a bit bizarre for today’s society, like the biblical verses (Leviticus 19:19 and Deuteronomy 22:11) prohibiting wearing wool and linen fabrics in one garment, blending of different species of animals, and the prohibition of planting different kinds of seeds together.

One of the most frequent homophobic arguments is the one claiming that homosexuality is ‘’not natural’’, on which you can reply with a philosophical contra concept – is it possible for something unnatural to exist in nature itself? Or just offer a long list of animals who are known for demonstrating homosexual or bisexual behavior and are found in nature itself.  Let alone the fact that the known history of civilization can be interpreted also through aspects of various sexual preferences (and expressions) of humans through history and you can use this argument especially if someone says that ‘’being gay is a trend’’ or something along those lines.

The need for procreation is another ‘’argument’’ you may hear, but you can remind your conversationalist that procreation is a choice, and that people indeed have the right to choose their own purpose in life, and no, having children doesn’t have to be the only one, even if you identify as heterosexual. You can also ask them, why do they think that everyone’s sole purpose in life should be to procreate? There is also a theory that the role of homosexuality in nature is a signal that we should slow down a bit. Maybe they also need to know that homosexuality does not eradicate heterosexuality, the two can co-exist.

Homosexuals are also a result of heterosexual intercourse and that gives space against the argument that gay couples (if they opt for it) shouldn’t adopt (or have a child via a surrogate) children because these children will ‘’learn’’ to be gay. Ask them, why didn’t a gay person ‘’learn’’ to be straight?

Challenge the way they think by informing them about animals and plants that have both male and female reproductive organs and that they can reproduce asexually by themselves (parthenogenesis). Remind them that things in life aren’t black or white, and as simple as they might think.

If they are having issues understanding what trans means and that people can have a gender identity that differs from the sex that they were assigned at birth. Inform them about ancient Greek and Roman priests named Galli, who wore women’s clothing, heavy jewelry and make up and who had a considerable political influence during this period (some have even engaged in ritual self-castration). Remind them that there are children born with a range of medical issues (that are either life-threating or these issues are making their lives miserable) and that these issues can only be addressed with surgery. In some cases, this happens earlier and in other cases much later in life. This, of course, doesn’t mean that all trans people opt for sex-reassignment surgery. For some it’s more about the freedom to express their identity that doesn’t necessarily fall within the gender roles that society had assigned to them.

You never know, you can end up having a meaningful discussion with some people, with some, on the other hand is better not to engage at all. Evaluate the situation and decide whether it’s worth engaging.

Overall, identifying kind people around you, friends, coworkers or relatives who are there for you and spending more time with them will do you good. Joining a local LGBT+ support group can also be a great idea, as you can find more practical techniques and advises on how to overcome homophobia in your everyday life. But, if you are experiencing harassment which threatens your mental or physical health, seeing a therapist or a counselor can help, or in some cases, visiting the nearest police station.

Image Source: OutRight Action International (outrightinternational.org)

The Daddyhunt Team