Dear Lost In Cyberspace,

You know you're spending too much time on the Internet when:

* a trick finally comes by and exclaims: "Christ ur ass is THREE times the size as ur pic."

* you regularly piss ur pants "chatting" because the bathroom's too far away, and the bucket at your feet is full from ashtray dumps

* you've read and replied to all your spam

* the dog died months ago and you still haven't disposed of the carcass

* you feel compelled to contribute to blogs without thinking twice about whether or not you have anything worth saying