Submitted by Rick (not verified) on June 2, 2009 - 11:30.
Whether we admit it or not, I'm convinced a lot of our self-defeating behaviors stem from a form of Post-Traumatic Stress which may or may not belong under blanket headings like "internalized homophobia" etc.
Quakers have always taught that mutual sexual exploitation creates two victims - essentially there's no "perpetrator" - and I think this is true. Promiscuity can be as much about heartbreaking loneliness and dashed dreams as it can be about self-loathing or a lack of the ability to love. It seems to be a road few young guys start out to travel, but often end up on anyhow. One thing is for sure: if a casual fuck moves on, it's because he's convinced at a deep level that he has nothing more to offer. And that's of course a self-esteem issue, and it's gonna be hard to convince him to stick around. He may come off like he's emotionally together and "sex positive", but there's nothing healthy or sex positive about somebody who can't make it twice.
Love comes after shared values and shared history have been tested and proven, and it doesn't happen in an environment of distrust, anonymity or self-loathing. A man who loves himself - as opposed to a narcissistic fool - steps up to the plate with no fears and loves with no fear. "Loving" really is an "action" word, and it doesn't happen for people who are essentially waiting for it, often in a passive/aggressive state. Loving also has no agenda - and especially no sexual agenda.
Sex really has no intrinsic value in itself, and we need to abandon the porn hype which shapes so many of our lives and identities. Sex DOES however have a purpose worth celebrating: it's a form of communication between men which brings joy and comfort and release to those who truly are sex-positive. And we communicate to get close - not to create barriers and alienation.
I say you're only a victim until you do something about it. Be honest with yourself: if promiscuity hasn't worked for you in the past and isn't working for you in the present, then it's not likely to work for you in the future. Move on from it in a profound and real and productive way by making that decision to become a loving man who wants and deserves love and great sex and intimate communications and damn the torpedos!
Whether we admit it or not,
Whether we admit it or not, I'm convinced a lot of our self-defeating behaviors stem from a form of Post-Traumatic Stress which may or may not belong under blanket headings like "internalized homophobia" etc.
Quakers have always taught that mutual sexual exploitation creates two victims - essentially there's no "perpetrator" - and I think this is true. Promiscuity can be as much about heartbreaking loneliness and dashed dreams as it can be about self-loathing or a lack of the ability to love. It seems to be a road few young guys start out to travel, but often end up on anyhow. One thing is for sure: if a casual fuck moves on, it's because he's convinced at a deep level that he has nothing more to offer. And that's of course a self-esteem issue, and it's gonna be hard to convince him to stick around. He may come off like he's emotionally together and "sex positive", but there's nothing healthy or sex positive about somebody who can't make it twice.
Love comes after shared values and shared history have been tested and proven, and it doesn't happen in an environment of distrust, anonymity or self-loathing. A man who loves himself - as opposed to a narcissistic fool - steps up to the plate with no fears and loves with no fear. "Loving" really is an "action" word, and it doesn't happen for people who are essentially waiting for it, often in a passive/aggressive state. Loving also has no agenda - and especially no sexual agenda.
Sex really has no intrinsic value in itself, and we need to abandon the porn hype which shapes so many of our lives and identities. Sex DOES however have a purpose worth celebrating: it's a form of communication between men which brings joy and comfort and release to those who truly are sex-positive. And we communicate to get close - not to create barriers and alienation.
I say you're only a victim until you do something about it. Be honest with yourself: if promiscuity hasn't worked for you in the past and isn't working for you in the present, then it's not likely to work for you in the future. Move on from it in a profound and real and productive way by making that decision to become a loving man who wants and deserves love and great sex and intimate communications and damn the torpedos!