Why does it have to be one or the other? Sure, I've been hurt by a past relationship (Who hasn't?), but what's grown out of that hurt is someone I like quite a lot. I am an independent man who doesn't need someone else to complete him. There's no reason I can't work on completing myself. Maintaining certain boundaries, especially with sexual partners, is not inherently unhealthy -- I'd just rather keep the really deep intimacy between myself and my very close friends, and the physical intimacy at a different level of friendship. Maybe that will change with time, and maybe not. But it seems like a hell of a waste to focus a great deal of time and energy on the one thing that can't be controlled or predicted: another person's feelings. Some people have found their lifelong partners, the person with whom they can build a life. I applaud them for all the work it takes to make that happen and am very glad that they have found the kind of relationship that makes them happy. But that does not mean that all of us have the same aspirations with regard to being partnered. And it certainly doesn't mean that those of us who do not want to be partnered are "ill" or "damaged," at least not any more than anyone else!

And no, I don't just hop into bed with any willing, warm body. I do prefer to like the men I fuck or am fucked by. But it simply isn't the case that every person I encounter, sexually or otherwise, is going to become a deep, abiding friend for life. It is with the deep and abiding friendships that I prefer to cultivate real intimacy.