I read your piece with great interest because it's a subject that has perplexed me since coming out 15 years ago from a monogamous het marriage (upon my wife's rapid decline and death from cancer). I understand the urges--we all have them--I ignored them amazingly well during my marriage. Then I did my adolescent thing, while raising two teenagers at home and living in conservative suburbia with the country club and the Rotary club.... I find now that I'm always looking over my partner's shoulder (so to speak) wondering if there's something better or if I'm missing out. Intellectually, I know this is bogus but it's probably a consequence of coming out (into the candy shop) after years of not allowing myself to let go and cheat. Though I haven't cheated on my partner after over a year together I would like to....I'd like an open relationship inspite of seeing what a dismal track record they have....but he has strong values and would be deeply wounded should I even bring up the subject. Thank you for the thought provoking questions you raise....and for urging us to great self-awareness.