Submitted by Rob (not verified) on April 26, 2009 - 12:18.
Total Top = Preference
Whether a gay man identifies himself as a total top or total bottom is strictly a matter of preference, not sexual orientation and certainly not masculinity. When a guy tells me he is a total top, I don't assume he has never been fucked (though that might be true). Instead, I understand him to mean that he now prefers exclusively to fuck and not to be fucked. I assume that he probably learned his preference through experience and has concluded that being a bottom during anal sex is just something he prefers not to do.
Similarly, I am a total bottom. This doesn't mean I haven't fucked anyone but only that I have now concluded that I prefer exclusively to be fucked and not to fuck. As a total bottom, I prefer to have sex with a total top man because I don't want to get involved with someone who may wish from time to time to get fucked by me (or another guy). Especially if he is secretly hoping I will top him now and then, he is sure to be disappointed and his unsatisfied desire to get fucked once in awhile will eat away at the relationship until trust deteriorates completely. So I don't want to start down that unhappy road.
Now some guys don't have a strict preference and they are truly versatile. Even though some versatile men may tend toward one sexual role more than the other, they are not total tops or total bottoms because their preference is flexible instead of rigid. This great variety among us is one of the marvelous things about being gay and I celebrate our diversity in this regard.
Of course, some total tops are jerks, just as some total bottoms are. But I don't think that has anything to do with their preferences when it comes to fucking. It's just that some people are jerks, and there's nothing more to it than that!
Total Top = Preference
Total Top = Preference
Whether a gay man identifies himself as a total top or total bottom is strictly a matter of preference, not sexual orientation and certainly not masculinity. When a guy tells me he is a total top, I don't assume he has never been fucked (though that might be true). Instead, I understand him to mean that he now prefers exclusively to fuck and not to be fucked. I assume that he probably learned his preference through experience and has concluded that being a bottom during anal sex is just something he prefers not to do.
Similarly, I am a total bottom. This doesn't mean I haven't fucked anyone but only that I have now concluded that I prefer exclusively to be fucked and not to fuck. As a total bottom, I prefer to have sex with a total top man because I don't want to get involved with someone who may wish from time to time to get fucked by me (or another guy). Especially if he is secretly hoping I will top him now and then, he is sure to be disappointed and his unsatisfied desire to get fucked once in awhile will eat away at the relationship until trust deteriorates completely. So I don't want to start down that unhappy road.
Now some guys don't have a strict preference and they are truly versatile. Even though some versatile men may tend toward one sexual role more than the other, they are not total tops or total bottoms because their preference is flexible instead of rigid. This great variety among us is one of the marvelous things about being gay and I celebrate our diversity in this regard.
Of course, some total tops are jerks, just as some total bottoms are. But I don't think that has anything to do with their preferences when it comes to fucking. It's just that some people are jerks, and there's nothing more to it than that!