Submitted by dantecity (not verified) on April 23, 2009 - 21:10.
Think you touched a nerve! Brilliant article, Cyrus, and despite some of the comments posted, a totally valid and interesting topic to explore. These are the conversations we should be having as a community. A little self awareness and insight never hurt anyone.
I would consider myself a versatile top, because I prefer topping but I will sometimes bottom depending on the person and the circumstances and my own impulses during a sexual encounter. As for all these deeply offended 'total tops' and their outraged posts, "methinks the lady doth protest too much."
I've also come across the type of guy you describe, many times -- guys who come on aggressively about fucking me, but then respond with what can only be described as disgust when I suggest that I'd be into fucking them, too. The issue is not that a guy doesn't enjoy getting fucked. I have no interest in fucking someone who really doesn't enjoy it. I'm not a sadistic prick. The issue is guys who react to the suggestion that they might bottom as if you're insulting them. "No way, man. I got no interest in being a bitch." I actually had a guy say that to me. Oh. So anyone who bottoms IS a bitch? And despite the angry denials here, it is so obvious that many of these guys certainly DO believe that bottoming would make them less of a man -- and inherent in that belief is their own conflicted feelings about being gay to begin with. In other words, internalized homophobia. (Just like those pitiful, self-deluded guys in oppressive, machismo cultures who think that if they don't give head or get fucked, no matter how many men they have sex with, they're not gay.) Which sucks for them, and I can sympathize with their anxiety because I struggled with the same shit -- WHEN I WAS 17. Face it guys, if you're so goddamn uptight about the IDEA of ever even THINKING ABOUT getting fucked, you have some issues to deal with. If you don't want to do it because it reminds you of an abusive trauma, or it hurts too much, or you have a phobia of losing control of your bowels, that's one thing. But if you don't want to do it because "I don't do that" or "I just don't want to" or "My ass is not a pussy" (another clever answer I've actually heard from some hostile douche-bag), you should maybe have a chat with your shrink. Or if you don't have a shrink, get one.
My last point is, I think that there's hope for the future. I think this argument is, more and more, a generational one. Just as the youngsters today tend to be much more flexible when it comes to defining themselves as gay or straight or whatever, I've noticed that they tend not to be as uptight about labeling themselves as top or bottom. Hopefully one day the more hostile, defensive, super uptight total tops will fade away, like the bleached-blonde tanning-bed-lined pornstars of the 80's.
Think you touched a nerve!
Think you touched a nerve! Brilliant article, Cyrus, and despite some of the comments posted, a totally valid and interesting topic to explore. These are the conversations we should be having as a community. A little self awareness and insight never hurt anyone.
I would consider myself a versatile top, because I prefer topping but I will sometimes bottom depending on the person and the circumstances and my own impulses during a sexual encounter. As for all these deeply offended 'total tops' and their outraged posts, "methinks the lady doth protest too much."
I've also come across the type of guy you describe, many times -- guys who come on aggressively about fucking me, but then respond with what can only be described as disgust when I suggest that I'd be into fucking them, too. The issue is not that a guy doesn't enjoy getting fucked. I have no interest in fucking someone who really doesn't enjoy it. I'm not a sadistic prick. The issue is guys who react to the suggestion that they might bottom as if you're insulting them. "No way, man. I got no interest in being a bitch." I actually had a guy say that to me. Oh. So anyone who bottoms IS a bitch? And despite the angry denials here, it is so obvious that many of these guys certainly DO believe that bottoming would make them less of a man -- and inherent in that belief is their own conflicted feelings about being gay to begin with. In other words, internalized homophobia. (Just like those pitiful, self-deluded guys in oppressive, machismo cultures who think that if they don't give head or get fucked, no matter how many men they have sex with, they're not gay.) Which sucks for them, and I can sympathize with their anxiety because I struggled with the same shit -- WHEN I WAS 17. Face it guys, if you're so goddamn uptight about the IDEA of ever even THINKING ABOUT getting fucked, you have some issues to deal with. If you don't want to do it because it reminds you of an abusive trauma, or it hurts too much, or you have a phobia of losing control of your bowels, that's one thing. But if you don't want to do it because "I don't do that" or "I just don't want to" or "My ass is not a pussy" (another clever answer I've actually heard from some hostile douche-bag), you should maybe have a chat with your shrink. Or if you don't have a shrink, get one.
My last point is, I think that there's hope for the future. I think this argument is, more and more, a generational one. Just as the youngsters today tend to be much more flexible when it comes to defining themselves as gay or straight or whatever, I've noticed that they tend not to be as uptight about labeling themselves as top or bottom. Hopefully one day the more hostile, defensive, super uptight total tops will fade away, like the bleached-blonde tanning-bed-lined pornstars of the 80's.