Submitted by daddyhunta09 (not verified) on April 18, 2009 - 10:09.
It was just last year that I discovered that a cross-section of bisexual men (both married and single) are essentialist and homophobic. I made this eye-opening discovery after what I would term a relationship (albeit, only five months) with a single, never-been-married, self-proclaimed bisexual man. He bought me flowers, chocolates, presents, seats at the opera, dinners, etc. I made him breakfasts, dinners, bought him a few gifts that he refused for the oddest reasons. It seemed he wanted to romance me - to be the "man" in the relationship - so I went with the flow. He loved to cuddle, hold hands, have oral sex etc. He slept over about four nights a week.
We had met on a (advertised) "gay" chat site, that of course included bisexual and transgendered men (personally I'm not into labeling people according to their sexual orientation). During our first meeting it seemed he felt it important to tell me about his other side that he wanted to exclude me from and I was happy to oblige. About once every two weeks (or less) he used crystal meth. He told me he "blasted" (injected) it and had one or two day s&m/bondage sessions with guys from his "stable" (as he referred to it). He had a room purpose-designed in his apartment for this. After these "sessions" he would be irritable and exhausted and it seemed he just needed to be comforted. I accepted him as he was -- and if he had wanted me to be part of his "chemsex" stable, I probably would have joined in. But I didn't judge him for it in any way. When I was a teenager I had experimented with heroin and cocaine and knew how the media and authorities demonize drugs without taking other factors into consideration. Supposedly William Burroughs injected heroin on a regular basis for 25 years or more and there are many famous authors and writers and everyday people, including professionals - like this man I met - who do the same without fitting the stereotype image of the druggie.
His drug taking was his business. But I started to notice that he was easily agitated or angered, yet at the time I never associated it with crystal. Right from the start I told him that I wanted him to feel totally free because that's the sort of person I am. I need to be self-autonomous. I don't like attachment. I believe in "if you love someone, set them free." I don't want love to become a prison cell. I thought he understood this -- because he told me it was the exact same way he felt. But then I noticed he had been- and was frequently lying to me - probably from the start - even though I had told him that just because we see each other a lot and have intimacy, we should still live our own lives. An example of him lying - I call him inviting him to share a large pizza (he lived next door) him saying to me that he had too much work and didn't have time to come over. An hour later I see him ensconced chatting with guys on the gay chat site and notice him getting into arguments in chat, using the word "fag" or "queer" as a general term for gay men.
Here's where it gets interesting. I had a gay couple visiting me for a few days from New York. I told them about "Steve" - and being gay rights activists themselves, and having been "around the block" more than me, they enlightened me about what they said was a "large percentage" of bi men who actually look upon gay men as inferior. They told me many bi men "otherize" gay men in a similar fashion to racism, sexism or chauvinism. They consider gay men as less than equal to themselves and ironically like to consider themselves straight rather than bisexual. They told me - and these guys had met Harvey Milk, worked for the New York Times and ran TV ads etc campaigning for gay rights - there are many bisexual men who are actually more homophobic than "straight" men they have known in professional circles. So they initiated a little "social experiment" to show me the real "Steve".
They created profiles on the same site as "Steve" posing as "dominant, masculine, bisexual men, interested in p&p, s&m and bondage with other bi-sexual men." Almost immediately "Steve" was messaging them wanting to hook-up. I watched in shock as "Steve" mentioned me once, calling me a "fucking fag" that was acting as though "he was my fag boyfriend." My friends played along with him denigrating "fags" and "queers" and I got the impression that "Steve" had enjoyed the fact that he had "played" me (a "fag") and after discarded me for no particular reason (except that I was a "fag"). After that experience I noticed in general chat, other bi men who appeared to talk down to gay men, especially gay men who were "out".
It was something I had never thought about, but I witnessed that it does exist. Some bi-sexual men - like "Steve" - only have rough, violent or kinky sexual relations with gay men. It is the rough sex that their wives won't partake in. They can do this without any feeling or identification with their gay sex partner ("slave" "bitch" or"dog").
So gay men -- wake up -- like I did ... eventually. Don't allow so-called "bi men" to use, abuse and discard you -- unless your lust for sexual and emotional abuse is higher than your own integrity and self esteem. More fool me. I was gullible and learned the "hard" way.
It was just last year that I
It was just last year that I discovered that a cross-section of bisexual men (both married and single) are essentialist and homophobic. I made this eye-opening discovery after what I would term a relationship (albeit, only five months) with a single, never-been-married, self-proclaimed bisexual man. He bought me flowers, chocolates, presents, seats at the opera, dinners, etc. I made him breakfasts, dinners, bought him a few gifts that he refused for the oddest reasons. It seemed he wanted to romance me - to be the "man" in the relationship - so I went with the flow. He loved to cuddle, hold hands, have oral sex etc. He slept over about four nights a week.
We had met on a (advertised) "gay" chat site, that of course included bisexual and transgendered men (personally I'm not into labeling people according to their sexual orientation). During our first meeting it seemed he felt it important to tell me about his other side that he wanted to exclude me from and I was happy to oblige. About once every two weeks (or less) he used crystal meth. He told me he "blasted" (injected) it and had one or two day s&m/bondage sessions with guys from his "stable" (as he referred to it). He had a room purpose-designed in his apartment for this. After these "sessions" he would be irritable and exhausted and it seemed he just needed to be comforted. I accepted him as he was -- and if he had wanted me to be part of his "chemsex" stable, I probably would have joined in. But I didn't judge him for it in any way. When I was a teenager I had experimented with heroin and cocaine and knew how the media and authorities demonize drugs without taking other factors into consideration. Supposedly William Burroughs injected heroin on a regular basis for 25 years or more and there are many famous authors and writers and everyday people, including professionals - like this man I met - who do the same without fitting the stereotype image of the druggie.
His drug taking was his business. But I started to notice that he was easily agitated or angered, yet at the time I never associated it with crystal. Right from the start I told him that I wanted him to feel totally free because that's the sort of person I am. I need to be self-autonomous. I don't like attachment. I believe in "if you love someone, set them free." I don't want love to become a prison cell. I thought he understood this -- because he told me it was the exact same way he felt. But then I noticed he had been- and was frequently lying to me - probably from the start - even though I had told him that just because we see each other a lot and have intimacy, we should still live our own lives. An example of him lying - I call him inviting him to share a large pizza (he lived next door) him saying to me that he had too much work and didn't have time to come over. An hour later I see him ensconced chatting with guys on the gay chat site and notice him getting into arguments in chat, using the word "fag" or "queer" as a general term for gay men.
Here's where it gets interesting. I had a gay couple visiting me for a few days from New York. I told them about "Steve" - and being gay rights activists themselves, and having been "around the block" more than me, they enlightened me about what they said was a "large percentage" of bi men who actually look upon gay men as inferior. They told me many bi men "otherize" gay men in a similar fashion to racism, sexism or chauvinism. They consider gay men as less than equal to themselves and ironically like to consider themselves straight rather than bisexual. They told me - and these guys had met Harvey Milk, worked for the New York Times and ran TV ads etc campaigning for gay rights - there are many bisexual men who are actually more homophobic than "straight" men they have known in professional circles. So they initiated a little "social experiment" to show me the real "Steve".
They created profiles on the same site as "Steve" posing as "dominant, masculine, bisexual men, interested in p&p, s&m and bondage with other bi-sexual men." Almost immediately "Steve" was messaging them wanting to hook-up. I watched in shock as "Steve" mentioned me once, calling me a "fucking fag" that was acting as though "he was my fag boyfriend." My friends played along with him denigrating "fags" and "queers" and I got the impression that "Steve" had enjoyed the fact that he had "played" me (a "fag") and after discarded me for no particular reason (except that I was a "fag"). After that experience I noticed in general chat, other bi men who appeared to talk down to gay men, especially gay men who were "out".
It was something I had never thought about, but I witnessed that it does exist. Some bi-sexual men - like "Steve" - only have rough, violent or kinky sexual relations with gay men. It is the rough sex that their wives won't partake in. They can do this without any feeling or identification with their gay sex partner ("slave" "bitch" or"dog").
So gay men -- wake up -- like I did ... eventually. Don't allow so-called "bi men" to use, abuse and discard you -- unless your lust for sexual and emotional abuse is higher than your own integrity and self esteem. More fool me. I was gullible and learned the "hard" way.