Submitted by Doug (not verified) on April 10, 2009 - 18:07.
I find this whole top/bottom thing irrelevant.
For the record, when I started out (in early 1960s provincial UK) the pattern of most gay relationships was that the young newbies generally started out bottoming for older more experienced partners until they graduated to topping the next generation to come along, and simultaneously went 50/50 with each other on the side.
It had nothing to do with how butch or nellie you appeared to be - age largely determined your role. A young guy topping an older one was considered rather sad and pathetic - there was a good deal of scorn for 'old queens'.
This mentoring pattern was already starting to disappear at the time, and through the 60's and 70's, as homosexuality was legalised and gradually became more public, the fashion was to be 'liberated', not to be strictly butch or bitch (as top and bottom were then known) but to be fluid and flexible.
That suits me, as I find that what I want to do varies with the person and the situation - it's not something I can decide before we've met. And it might not be the same the second time!
Which is kind of where I am now. I don't like the terms 'top' or 'bottom' because of the superior/inferior connotation. Naturally, all my life I've been accused of not being able to make my mind up - I prefer to say I don't like closing off possibilities.
And top/bottom is now no longer relevant to me, if it ever really was: I no longer practice anal intercourse - because I find topping impossible with a condom, and I won't do it without (and before you ask, viagra etc just gives me a headache), and taking it in the arse is nowadays physically painful.
So it's strictly oral and manual which is fine by me, but not for a lot of guys on these sites, it seems, who insist I can't be 'really' gay if I don't do anal!
I guess what I'm saying is that accepting labels and then trying to fit them doesn't, in my experience, reflect who we really are, and what's worse, conditions us to behave in stereotypical ways - just that the previous older top/younger bottom paradigm did - that may at times be at odds with our true wishes.
I find this whole top/bottom
I find this whole top/bottom thing irrelevant.
For the record, when I started out (in early 1960s provincial UK) the pattern of most gay relationships was that the young newbies generally started out bottoming for older more experienced partners until they graduated to topping the next generation to come along, and simultaneously went 50/50 with each other on the side.
It had nothing to do with how butch or nellie you appeared to be - age largely determined your role. A young guy topping an older one was considered rather sad and pathetic - there was a good deal of scorn for 'old queens'.
This mentoring pattern was already starting to disappear at the time, and through the 60's and 70's, as homosexuality was legalised and gradually became more public, the fashion was to be 'liberated', not to be strictly butch or bitch (as top and bottom were then known) but to be fluid and flexible.
That suits me, as I find that what I want to do varies with the person and the situation - it's not something I can decide before we've met. And it might not be the same the second time!
Which is kind of where I am now. I don't like the terms 'top' or 'bottom' because of the superior/inferior connotation. Naturally, all my life I've been accused of not being able to make my mind up - I prefer to say I don't like closing off possibilities.
And top/bottom is now no longer relevant to me, if it ever really was: I no longer practice anal intercourse - because I find topping impossible with a condom, and I won't do it without (and before you ask, viagra etc just gives me a headache), and taking it in the arse is nowadays physically painful.
So it's strictly oral and manual which is fine by me, but not for a lot of guys on these sites, it seems, who insist I can't be 'really' gay if I don't do anal!
I guess what I'm saying is that accepting labels and then trying to fit them doesn't, in my experience, reflect who we really are, and what's worse, conditions us to behave in stereotypical ways - just that the previous older top/younger bottom paradigm did - that may at times be at odds with our true wishes.