Cyrus,
What a great post and some great responses (almost as varied as the 'total tops' and 'power bottoms'). I think your points were well presented. I also think much of the 'total' or 'power' complexes come from early childhood experiences where the individual learned some behavior which became a learned tactic for dealing with life situations.

My roommate (only roommate) is a 'power bottom.' He seems to have learned that if he lets a guy pound him, then he can get his way (in many respects from being taken care of to demanding the good things in life). He gladly admits he's the 'pretty one' in the relationship and likes to be pampered.

Then, I've met the 'total tops' (one particular on this site that keeps bugging me). I wonder if they have some physical reason (painful hemorrhoids) or some mental experience that puts the "Do Not Enter" sign up in their erotic prostate zone. What's really surprising is that the male physiology is built and positioned in such a way that every male's erotic area is just inside their anus. It's a fact of the way the male human body is constructed (minus any surgery). So, then what's the fear factor of having that area stimulated?

An interesting experience where I did date a 'bi' guy for five months that had some experiences with men. He was just coming out of a divorce (to a woman) and wanted to go back to guys. He would get really nervous anytime I went close to his hole. Then, after breaking up over a year ago, I was chatting with him recently. I asked if he was still a virgin back there. He said no. So, in that instance I think you're right on the point that it is the fear of losing masculinity if you get pounded. He had obviously over time dealt with that fear and succumbed to having a guy inside him. We've seen that fear in history where conquerers would anally rape their captors to humiliate them and prove the conquerer's superiority. So too, I think you see this mental fear of succumbing to the other man's control if one let's himself get topped.

The other point which I think you touched on was that many 'relationships' (quotes used on purpose) are actually just codependent arrangements where the two people are fuck buddies or playmates without any intimacy. Sounds kind of harsh but that's what I see living in San Francisco as the predominant couple population (note there are many examples of loving interdependent couples in SF it just not the visible large percentage). I remember on a date with a guy that I had been getting to know for several weeks, we were discussing relationships and I asked if he had ever been 'in love' in his last relationship(s) of 10+ years. He said he'd never really experienced that feeling of love (just for keeping tabs he was a total bottom). I kind of found it sad but understood. For him (and others), I think they've never really achieved autonomy in early life. So they find they like other men and fit nicely into that niche of the child-like behavior but as an adult.

I have been lucky to have been in true love at least once in my life. And, like one of the other respondents, if it happens again great. If not, I'm fine with living solo and having great friends.

I'm about to leave San Francisco to live in Pittsburgh, PA while attending graduate school. It should be an interesting experience contrasting the gay social scene between the two coasts :). I'm actually looking forward to the experience. I think I'll bring something to Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh will share something with me.

Thanks for a great article handsome. It would be fun to get to know you first :)
Marc