I’ve been recently chatting with a very nice guy in another city who is eager to meet someone available, honest and into the same things that he is. I understand all too well the process of weeding out potentials from online, especially when you have a huge  desire to be with someone.

During one of our chats, he mentioned how he was going to be traveling to meet someone he had been chatting with online, and that the fella had offered to "buy" him a flight back if he could get himself out there. Just the whole idea of it, put me on edge (maybe its the Daddy in me coming out...) but I began to think about what are good boundaries to have when traveling to meet a man in a different city. Questions like: Who pays? Where to stay?  And how to stay safe.

1)    Make your own arrangements. If you can’t afford the entire  airfare or travel money to get to him and stay on your own (with friends or a hotel) the first time – then it might not be a good time to go.

Hey Guys

Every year in April, we recognize STD awareness month. In San Francisco we hold community screenings as well as do local presentations on the prevention and treatment of STDs. But as we wrap up the month, I want to remind you guys that STD awareness should be a part of routine sexual health year round. So here are some thoughts and tips on STDs that I find useful.

STDs: The gifts that keep on giving.

Make sure you don’t get a one gift that you can’t casually get rid of as the months change. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are on the increase. So, when you are thinking about keeping yourself and your partner safe always remember to include BOTH HIV and STD in your thoughts.

Some common STD’s  include: Chancroid, Chlamydia, Cytomegalovirus (CMV), Genital Warts, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, Herpes, HIV, Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), Syphilis, Molluscum Contagiosum, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, Pubic Lice, Scabies, Trichomoniasis, Urinary Tract Infections.

STD WATCH!
Signs to look out for:

Let’s face it, sometimes we all put our “foot in it” and say the wrong thing. But the real skill I figured out is how to recognize what was said and then work to reduce the times we say it…

A pal of mine and I were grabbing coffee the other day and we brainstormed our top 10 – communication pitfalls.

Every so often I think about sexual health and how, as gay men, we have become so focused on STDs that we forget that as we age other things happen to our bodies, and specifically our dicks, unrelated to STDs.

A few that I’ve spent some time looking into recently are Peyronie's disease and Priapism, both of which affect our dicks and can be a rather uncomfortable and perhaps embarrassing conditions. Yet I rarely hear about them, so until I started reading up on it at the request of a pal I was pretty much in the dark as well.

Since I’m not a medically trained professional, I certainly can’t diagnose and these are just my personal thoughts  but I figured I’d share some highlights that I found and a few links to that I thought useful.

Peyronie's disease

Peyronie's is essentially a tissue condition that involves an abnormal curve upwards in the penis. Now, before you all start looking at your dicks, many of us have some slight curve in one direction or the other as a normal condition. What is distinguishing for Peyronie’s is that it can cause pain, and an extreme abnormal curve when erect. In some cases a shortening of the length can occur. During the early stages of Peyronie's, pain is often reported, some erectile dysfunction can occur as well. For most men, the ability to have sex can be maintained with Peyronie's.

Unfortunately, not a lot is known about its causes, but it seems to occur after an injury to the penis, often times during sexual intercourse…ouch!.. and many of us know that rare time when during insertion, we aim wrong or bang-n-bend ourselves when a particularly aggressive man is bouncing on our dick.

As for treatment, some medications have been studied with various results as well as a surgery option for extreme cases.

Editor's Note: The gifts are all open, and maybe a few of them are a little naughty.  Now what?  He're are 10 tips to better sex starting today and for the new year.

Ok – we all know that sex is a normal and natural part of who we are... or at least we should know that. Here are my top 10 tips to keep sex fun as we start a new year!

1)    Know what you want!  If you want “warm fuzzies” and someone to wake with up in the a.m., then cruising the internet or your local sex club might not be the right place. On the other hand, if all you want is to have some hot sweaty sex – get yourself to the place that best fits your cruising style.

2)    Reread and rewrite that profile. Most of us forget to review and update our profiles. Shake it up. Look for boring language.  Stuck for an idea? Ask a sex buddy or pal to offer a few suggestions.

3)    Ask for what you want! Figure out what kind of sex is turning you on today.

4)    Read a dirty story together or rent a video by a new producer.

5)    Expand your horizons; get creative with where and when you have sex. It doesn’t always have to be after hours. Try some “Love In the Afternoon” or before breakfast.

6)     Single? Take control and buy yourself one of my favorite toys, the Fleshlight (Right: "Fleshlight Original Butt" shown). This soft, pliable and very doable “sleeve” sits in a plastic holder and slips snugly on your member. Stroke it slow or fast. It’s got remarkable sensation and easy to clean afterwards. Step it up a notch and ask a pal (or two) to help you with it.

7)    Get your camera out! Gone are the days when we had to depend on others to develop our images. Get out that tripod (or a bean bag to rest it on) and check out the extra features your digital camera has. Many of them come with the ability to film mini movies that are easy to transfer to a computer. Read the instructions and find out how to use the delay feature, to catch you at your finest in a solo moment! The nice thing about digital cameras, is if you don’t like what you shot, delete and try again.

Editor's note:  Frank got such a great response to his post on STDs that we decdided to let him answer one of the key questions people asked in a new post.

A reader asked me about syphilis. It appears he is having a debate with a couple of people about it and is hoping I can settle it for them.

One person thinks that if they catch it early, then only one penicillin shot is what is needed. Another says that it doesn't really matter WHEN you catch it. You should get all three, especially because there is no way of knowing WHEN you actually got it.
This is a great question actually, especially with syphilis rates increasing in many major cities in the United States.

The reader hit on a complicated and confusing area of syphilis.

According to Dr. Jeff Klausner, who heads up the San Francisco DPH - STD section, you are both in the right area, but here is the simple explanation.

If someone finds out they have an early case of syphilis, then the treatment is one dose of medicine given by two injections in the butt (one in each cheek).

If they are unable to tell if it is an early case, then the recommended treatment is 3 doses of medicine given out over three weeks.

This is why it is pretty important that sexually active gay men, have a routine syphilis test every 3 – 6 months. It can help catch the infection early and reduce the treatment discomfort as well as reduce the chances of infecting anyone else.

It is one of the reasons San Francisco launched www.STDtest.org to make it easy for gay and bisexual men get tested in an easy, confidential and accessible process. Check in your city to see if there is a similar program.

Hope this clears things up.

Frank

I’m always amazed at the way sexually active gay men want to ignore any talk about STDs. More often than not they think having an STD is a dirty nasty thing. I see profiles online all the time that say “clean”, or “ looking for STD Free”.  What I find is that most of the time when guys think having an STD is a dirty thing, they lack a basic understanding of STDs, including the ways to protect themselves and what to look out for.

I think that’s why in some cities we are now seeing increases in syphilis, as well and chlamydia and gonorrhea.  And remember, you can get these STD’s in your butt as well as in your throat. (Yeah – you can get them in places other than just your dick!)

So I decided to share a few of my personal Do’s & Dont's on sexual health and STD prevention.

DOs:

- If you are sexually active (that means having sex with more than your monogamous partner) think about making a routine testing commitment to yourself. Every 3 months for common STDs is not too frequent.

- Ask your local STD clinic or medical provider to swab your throat, ass and take a urine test. If your provider doesn’t offer throat & butt swabbing for chlamydia and gonorrhea, ask why! You need to take an active part of your own health care.

- If you are HIV positive – make sure your medical provider makes this part of your routine blood work up. Don’t expect that it’s already happening.

- Syphilis affects both HIV positive & HIV negative men, and can have very subtle symptoms that often go unnoticed – so make sure any routine blood work includes a blood test for syphilis.

Hi Guys, I'm a San Francisco Bay Area local who wears many hats in my pursuit to improve, educate and promote gay men's health and sex. Some of my activities include being a writer, educator, trainer and even a sex and fetish mentor when the occasion arises. But my focus is almost always on improving sexual expression in all forms. I've worked on workshops on a wide range of topics including SM/fetish burnout to substance use and recovery to watersports and enema play.

A big part of my national and international work is presenting workshops on the importance of more and better information on improving sexuality, risk reduction, and HIV education. I have specialized in customized programs dealing with SM relationships, theory, and techniques to men and women one-on-one, in couples, and in groups.

Look for my articles to cover a wide range of sexual topics. Shedding light on topics like intimacy, breaking taboos and fear, boundaries, communication, fetishes, dating, sex parties, and monogamy. My BDSM specialties include cutting, edge play, temporary and permanent piercing and breaking taboos.

Some of my past achievements include stints as Coordinating Editor for Boston's Gay Community News, former Associate Publisher for Bear and Powerplay Magazines, former Director of Marketing for Drummer Magazine and Desmodus Publications, and Sex Educator for the Harvey Milk Institute and the Learning Annex. I aim for education and growth for all, regardless of how one likes sex.

I can be reached via my website www.mentorsf.com or at Frank@daddyhunt.com.

Having used the internet as a way to meet new friends and sex partners for well over 10 years, every so often I have to step back and wonder… is it worth the amount of time it eats up?

But to answer that – I have to do some serious thinking about my role and my understanding of “needs” and “wants.”

One of the first questions I routinely ask myself when I log-in is “why?” Why am I online and what am I looking for? Is it about the search for love, friendship, understanding? Or more base level and seedy, talking about doing some young stud in the alley?

Don’t get me wrong, all of these are viable things to be using the internet for – the secret is to understand what it is that I want in those moments.  It’s that age-old battle in our search for the magical balance between momentary “lust” and lasting “warm fuzzies.”

Of course, when I’m not getting the hits I want or the kind of responses I expect, I have a few tricks that focus me back to the present.

First, I start off with a reality wake-up call. How honest am I being? Is what I’m writing matching who I am in the moment? Are my pictures and profiles updated? We all get stuck with the one picture we want to use over the more recent, but less flattering ones we have. I re-read my profile. When I read my words, are they reflecting the desires of who I am still? We change daily and so do our wants and needs.