I was about 13 when I asked my parents if they could get me a subscription to Sports Illustrated. They were more than a little eager to accomodate, as they thought there might be some hope that their sensitive, shy, awkward teenager might actually turn out to be a sports-lovin', beer-drinkin' and (most importantly) pussy chasin' young man. Well I do drink beer sometimes (not exactly like a frat boy), and I do actually like sports, but I never got around to the other thing. The reason I really wanted that subscription was not to keep up with sports, but to jerk off to those Jockey ads with Jim Palmer. His furry chest and well-formed basket certainly helped to ease the tension of my teenage years.
When I was 15 and flipping through the pages of SI, I stumbled upon the most unthinkable thing -- a tribute to the life of an openly gay man. This sports magazine, to my knowlege, had never shown gay men in a positive light, and here it was doing a feature on... someone like me. For years I had used the magazine as a way to work out my teenage sexual angst, but I never imagined it would be the place that I'd find a role model who ultimately helped me accept my sexuality.
The July 27, 1987 issue had an article entitled "The Death of an Athlete". It was a tribute to Tom Waddell who had died of AIDS on July 11-- just 16 days before this issue was released. Tom Waddell was a college football player and gymnast who went on to become an olympic decathlete. At the age of 30, he finished 6th in the 1968 Mexico City Olympic Games. He was also paratrooper in the U.S. Army and an MD with a degree from Stanford Medical School specializing in infectious disease. Most notably, he started the Gay Olympics which later came to be called the Gay Games after the United States Olympic Committee sued Dr. Waddell for using the word "Olympics" so close to the word "Gay".The case went all the way to the Supreme Court before before it was decided that no gays were going to be putting on any kind of "Olympics".
The first Gay Games was held in 1982 in San Francisco. Dick Schaap in the SI article reported, "Waddell believed passionately in the concept of the Gay Games, a chance to shatter homosexual stereotypes, a chance to dignify and motivate homosexual athletes, a chance to bridge the gap that had long existed between gay men and women. Waddell, who had always loved women, gay and straight, as friends and equals, bridged the gap personally, too. He met Sara Lewinstein, a fine athlete herself, a bowler and a Softball and racquetball player who served with Tom on the committee that administered the Gay Games. She shared his zest for sports, and she shared his dream: Each had been searching for someone with whom to have a child, someone they liked and respected and admired."
Sara and Tom decided to have a baby together. Their daughter Jessica was born in August 1983. Fortunately, neither Sara nor their baby was exposed to HIV. Tom said of his daughter, "I can't come up with enough superlatives to tell you what it is like to be a daddy to this little girl who is the most remarkable thing that's ever happened to me in my life."
All kinds of doors were opening in my mind as I read the article with my bedroom door shut. It was a secret
I had to hide. The greatest secret, however, had been kept from me for 15 years: it was possible to be a successful, well-adjusted, loving, out gay man. I grew up in a kind of suburban hell, or at best purgatory, with well-intentioned but very conservative parents. The words of wisdom from Tom in the article made me realize I wasn't alone. He too had suspected he was the only homosexual in his high school. "I liked who I was. I liked what I felt. I didn't want any of that to change. But I didn't want to be this bizarre social and physical outcast. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to have lots of friends..." Tom said.
He fell in love for the first time when he was 21 years old with a man named Friedrich Engels Menaker, who was 63. Menaker was not only Tom's romantic partner but his mentor, teaching him about politics, art and literature. Menaker had actually known Hemingway. They remained friends until Menaker's death at the age of 90.
Before Tom Waddell, the only gay man I'd been conscious of was Rock Hudson. It was a little harder to get excited about living a life like Rock Hudson's, even though he was a handsome movie-star, because he was in the closet until he was very close to death. His life seemed tragic to me. I also thought Dr. Waddell was a hot daddy. Even at the age of 15 I had developed an attraction to older men, and it seemed that Tom had a thing for daddies too, at least in his relationship with Menaker. As I read about Tom, his sweetness and passion for life really leapt out of the pages. I realized I was falling in love with someone I had never met. The saddest part was this new hero of mine had just died at the age of 49.
That was the bittersweet irony of coming to grips with my sexuality in the late 80's. All those years of pent-up teenage hormones were finally being let loose, but there were so many men around me who were dying of AIDS. It was everywhere in the news. I had great excitement about my newly accepted self, and great fear that just by being myself I might die. Even my hero Dr. Waddell was one of the victims of this horrible plague.
I kept that issue of Sports Illustrated until I left home to go to college. I hid it away in a stack of my other magaziness, but would pull it out from time-to-time to daydream about what it would have been like to know Tom Waddell. Would I meet a man like him some day who would take me into his arms and love me the way I wanted to be loved?
I wish I could have met him while he was still alive-- once would have been enough, just to say thank you. I wonder if he had any idea that just by living his life in the passionate, vibrant, honest way that he did, he changed the life of a teenager in Northern New Jersey, just ten miles away from where he grew up.
***
Waddell wrote an autobriography with the help of Dick Schaap (who also wrote the SI article) called Gay Olympian: The Life and Death of Dr. Tom Waddell
All photos are from their book and the SI article.
To find out more about Gay Games VIII in Cologne in 2010 click here.
Dr. Tom Waddell is also
Dr. Tom Waddell is also featured in the Academy Award-winning documentary "Common Threads: Stories From The Quilt."
OMG, I remember the Jim
OMG, I remember the Jim Palmer underwear ads. Mark Spitz had some signature underwear too. Perhaps this is why I can't tolerate boxer shorts. lol
As for Tom Waddell, what a wonderful world it would be if gay men could be totally out to act as roll models to the younger generation. Paul Lynde was not who I wanted to be, but he was my only connection to this lifestyle.
Jim Palmer visits Palm Beach
Jim Palmer visits Palm Beach County, Florida regularly (Lives here?) and comes into The Rhythm Cafe on occasion...and let me tell you, he's still just as hot as ever. Still impossibly tall and lean, and covered in that beautiful brown hair, he can win you over with his smile, and leave you remembering the air of attraction that makes everyone want to be around him.
I am a waiter at Rhythm, and have had the priviledge of waiting on him several times now. He is as congenial and generous as we all could hope.
Love Ya, Jim!
Tom Waddell was also a hero
Tom Waddell was also a hero of mine. My friends and I attended Gay Games II, also held in San Francisco, in 1986. Tom was a big part of those games, too. And I had been aware of him and admired him greatly years before.
Diane Feinstein spoke at the opening ceremonies of the Games. It was a cold and dreary day in the middle of summer. She evoked the famous Mark Twain saying, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." A great time was had by all.
I am also proud to say that Chris Turner is a great friend of mine. Thank you, Chris, for your beautiful article, and for sharing your memories with us. Big hugs,
Scott Jinks
Thanks for the great post,
Thanks for the great post, Chris. I have not heard of Tom Waddell and found your article inspiring, I wish I would have read it back in '87....
The injustice continues You
The injustice continues
You mentioned a lawsuit that went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court and resulted in a ruling that the U.S. Olympic Committee owned the word "olympics" and could keep the gay community from using it.
The U.S. Olympic Committee was represented by an attorney named Vaughn Walker, who put a lien on Tom Waddell's house to cover the legal fees. As a result, Tom Waddell died not knowing if his daughter would inherit his house.
Vaughn Walker is now a federal judge. Now that he is secure in his lifetime appointment and it is much more acceptable to be gay, Vaughn Walker hangs out in the Castro and is openly gay. Every time I see him having breakfast at Cafe Flore I feel sick. I want to tell him that people have not forgotten that he betrayed his community, but sadly, it has been forgotten. Vaughn Walker is regularly honored at the annual meeting of the local gay lawyer's association.
Boy! reading the comments to
Boy! reading the comments to this Blog could raise some issues! haha .. all in all this was very worth the "read", was really never into magazine sex though Chris hahaha.... i'm glad you came out to the Gay Team,, you sexy man. Tom Waddel is a inspration to us all.. a great achiever.. its a shame what happened to him,, he is at peace now. Remembering Rock Hudson.. Back in 1982 i was in a Restaurant in West Hollywood, " French Quarter " was the name back then,, i was with a friend., and in the next table to us was "Rock Hudson" and his Blonde boyfriend ,, his boyfriend got up to use the restroom as did the friend i was with at the same time. so there i was eating when i looked up and noticed a very handsome man staring at me in the next table .. he smiled, i smiled, he winked and i blushed, and nodded at him with a smile. and that was it,, it took me seconds before i knew it was Rock Hudson, so i just sat there eating and peeking over at the table every now and then. trying not to look to conspicuous. i didn't rush the table because i thought it would be rude and his lover would have probably hit me, LOL . so i left it alone and never to have seen Rock Hudson again.. i thought i would share that with you.. i would of loved to have a piece of that Scorpio. (Rock Hudson)
DeepKisses..
this actor is my type PAUL
this actor is my type
PAUL
Hey Chris, Great post. My,
Hey Chris,
Great post. My, how it brings back the years....... I remember hearing about his death at the time tho it made a different impact on me because you were an enthralled horny kid and I was a REAL daddy at the time raising sons of my own. It was also the shattering period of change and dissolution of my life from the sham of str8 life and marriage to final acceptance of new directions, a decade of illuminating pain. Now your approaching the age I was then and we've met in the meantime. How small the world can be tho, after meeting you, not small enuf. Two ships passing in the tides of time......
Your post provided an enlightening insight into the development of my friend. It's a privilege to know a bit more about why I like you so much. From snowy Wisconsin a hearty, if politically incorrect Merry Christmas to you and your beloved Armistead.
I complimented you are ure
I complimented you are ure visit to Sonoma and reading for the older lady that was in the care home. However, it was not posted. So will try it again. I thought it was so wonderful to see another respectful gay man has done a nice thing for someone who is NOT GAY! Refreshing!
DADDY TOM
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Dear Chris: I was very moved
Dear Chris: I was very moved by your blog. I knew Tom Waddell from the time I was 5 or 6. He was my camp counsellor. We stayed friends and I last saw him in SF in 1984 when I stayed in his house. I also saw him in 1985 at the memorial service for the man he fell in love with at age 21. (they are buried together under a tree near Great Barrington MA. I am sorry that you never got to meet him. He loved people. He was warm and open and direct with everyone. He was very sensitive and probably never forgave me for teasing him when I was 5. ("Tom Waddell wants his bottle") I have not seem much written about him all these years since his death. The book by Dick Schaap, other than the inclusion of letters that were actually written by Tom did not do him justice. Dick Schaap did not really know Tom Waddell. He met him when he was dying. Your blog was a great tribute to Tom.
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